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Breastfeeding - Handling Criticism
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by: Patty Hone
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Feelings about how to parent seem to shift with every
generation. A new way of parenting, sometimes called attachment parenting,
has emerged and it challenges many of the rigid teachings of our mother's
generation. Although breastfeeding is on the rise now, women are still
dealing with the repercussions of previous generations. Not too long ago
mainstream women did not breastfeed at all and the ones that did were
taught to follow strict schedules. Some thought of breastfeeding as
primitive. Formula was touted as being equal to or superior to breast milk.
Only recently, has the fact that "breast is best" been acknowledged. Other
women were in the workforce. They may have felt that breastfeeding was not
an option for them. They did not have the modern breast pump available to
them. The medical community may not have encouraged breastfeeding at the
time. It is not hard to imagine. After all, even with all the knowledge
about the benefits of breastfeeding there are still many health
professionals today that are uneducated and unsupportive of breastfeeding.
With all the challenges in the way of breastfeeding, it is understandable
why many women of yesterday did not choose to breastfeed.
Breastfeeding has come a long way but still many of the old thinking still
carries on. Women are more educated on the subject; however, even with the
many books and other information available, people are often most
influenced by their immediate family and friends. Having the support of
friends and family can boost the chances of having a successful
breastfeeding experience. On the other hand, having to deal with criticism
and misinformation from the people you are close to can sabotage a new mom
trying to breastfeed.
There are many ways to deal with the negativity of others. One of the best
things you can do is to try to understand why the person feels the way they
do. Is it because they were taught differently about breastfeeding? Were
they indoctrinated with the ideas that breastfeeding is primitive or
inferior? Or is it that they feel breasts are a sexual object? Maybe they
have never seen someone breastfeed and it makes them uncomfortable. This is
the case with a lot of people. Once breastfeeding in public becomes more
commonplace, perhaps, this will become less of a problem. Whatever the
case, finding out the root of the person's issues with breastfeeding may
help to resolve the tension.
Here are some things you can do to deal with criticism.
Be positive: It is hard for someone to argue with a happy, positive person.
If you are excited and enthusiastic about breastfeeding it can be
contagious
Try to educate them: Find information on the benefits of breastfeeding to
mom and baby and share this with them. You don't have to "push this down
their throat". Just be enthusiastic about your decision to breastfeed and
share with them why you decided to.
Be sympathetic: A lot of times women are defensive because breastfeeding
did not work out for them. If you sit and talk with any woman that really
wanted to breastfeed, you can hear the sadness in her story. Try to be
sympathetic and non-judgmental. Don't say things like "you could have or
should have". Share your experience, be positive, and let them know you
care.
Try not to get angry: Breastfeeding conversations can get very heated.
Getting angry with someone is not likely to change her feelings. It will
just make you and her upset. If you don't feel like you can talk about
breastfeeding with this person change the subject or avoid talking about
it.
Use your doctor as your advocate: Sometimes the best thing you can do is
tell someone that this is what your doctor recommends. What you think means
very little to some people but a doctor's word carries weight.
Don't be sarcastic or insulting: Belittling someone is likely to make
someone defensive. It is not a good approach to winning someone over. You
may turn an opportunity to educate someone into a personal attack.
Stand your ground: Do not let someone else decide how you are going to
parent. If they are uncomfortable then they will have to come to terms with
it. You do not have to change the way you parent to suit someone else.
If nothing is working then you may just let the person know that you do not
want to discuss the issue with them any more. Hopefully, it doesn't come to
this.
About the Author:
Patty Hone is a wife and mommy
to three kids. She is also co-owner of Justmommies.com, an online community
of moms sharing the joys and struggles of motherhood, where you will find
message boards, chats, articles, parenting, pregnancy info and more.
www.justmommies.com
email@justmommies.com
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